watching "project runway" on bravo. i think i was watching lots of bravo before i left but nothing could have prepared me for this show where fashion designers compete against each other to win something. well, maybe watching "america's top model" at the emerald this past weekend in seoul was a good warmup. but there were definitely not any corn husks on "america's top model". is it okay to love bravo as much as i do? maybe it's cause i'm really shallow pretending to be really intelligent. hiding teenvogue inside the economists...

so i am back in the states and it's actually lots colder than it was in either jeonju or seoul. actually, it's snowed here! so it really feels like christmas :^) my mom bought me these boots from j. crew that would be really "in" in korea but i'm not really sure whether i want to sport them here. trends make me sad. these days i feel like i don't really even want to live in new york. and i want to divest myself of the tiresome and burdensome possessions that confronted me when i came back to my room and opened my closet. is that silly? will i change my mind when i go to new york sometime? definitely maybe!

being in poughkeepsie and at the mall was really surprising because i'd been expecting it for awhile and it really was just exactly as i'd remembered it. everyone dresses the same way as they have for years and years. the stores have changed a little bit and walking around there feels like going back 5 years. last night i went out with anand and mike to the beech tree grill, saw two people with long hair, then slept for 12 hours.

talking or thinking about the korea experience has been difficult but i think being in seoul for the last couple of days (and the prospect of being there for january) is helping me to be positive about it. the great thing about seoul (any big city?) is that it's kind of built to be entertaining and full of explorable days.

thinking about having becoming more patient, thinking more about helping people, having more clearcut goals for my future and how idealistic/realistic they need to be, the differences between life in korea and the us, my relationships with people aka being a less selfish and self-absorbed person...whether i can do this remains to be seen! i'm working hard.