scared of blood

i've been REALLY scared of blood and pain for a couple of years now. i think it's something i've psyched myself into to some extent, but it's SO 4 real. i hated watching kill bill last fall because i was so frozen in terror at seeing all the "cartoonish" violence on the screen. not sure i would've really enjoyed it even without the surfeit of violence but anyway - so i just cut my finger while trying to straighten out the nail on my full length mirror and i freaked out.

not like screaming, or even feeling that much pain really, but really scared. when my mortality or corporeality are questioned i go CRAZY! like, heart poundingly crazy! from a mere scratch.

studying for marketing research, which reminds me that i had the most caustic interviewer today who was totally cynical and asked me questions that hold my wit at bay. also played literati for like 45 min i'm sure w/ won...who is going bk to california tomorrow for his citizenship oath! whoa!!

and we watched the graduate and sabrina (1995) today and yesterday night. i'm so sick of my unwillingness to try new things. i'm easing into it by eating at lots of different places this week: the new mexican stephen starr (overrated and i'm delighted to jump on the bandwagon i'm sure) and maybe drinks at the cute french place w/ my lyonnaises. okay, finishing up so as to study and ace!