the last night. i should be burning CDs, or looking over things, but i just want to leave everything to the last minute. i feel like everything that's happened so far this summer, while possibly not 'for the best', made sense to me at the time. and what more can i ask myself for? just now i felt disappointed that people can't be all that i want them to be...that no matter what, there will always remain some part of people that is unknowable finally (that's definitely from some book i've read). and that was the most saddening thing for this summer. maybe one day i will find someone who i know inside and out...but for now i feel as though everyone has the potential to give unpleasant surprises. and maybe i can't ask them for anything more, either. but i've let everything else in my life go on so falsely and so poorly for such a long time. who knows...what a feeling to leave the country with. the feeling of leaving everything behind.