Moment of Panic
I've not been feeling so well, this past couple of days.
I went for a long walk with Luis through Prospect Park on Saturday.
So I tried to go to sleep once I got home. First I baked some banana muffins, knowing I needed to test them for today. Then I watched a bit more of Howl's Moving Castle. I couldn't fall asleep. I tried brushing my teeth and changing into my pyjamas. Still nothing.
I eventually fell into this kind of relaxed non-sleep, where I didn't feel stressed about not falling asleep but still was a bit curious about being up, despite feeling so tired. The hours passed quickly. I picked up the book someone at work had given me - in college, opening a textbook was really the "stupidproof" way to knock me out. Still nothing.
I finally woke up this morning at 10:30 or so, feeling just a bit better than I had the night before.
Today, I felt a bit better about things. I'm pretty confident about my 'diet' plans, because eating carbs makes me feel completely ill and weak. I walked across Central Park, trying to get to the west side, only to find myself 15 blocks north of where I had started. I felt discreet. And I met the person that told me earlier this year that I was like a 'fifty foot wave'. Maybe this means the curse is lifted.
All I want is to feel committed and sure-footed. I don't understand why making reckless decisions doesn't help.
At the end of the walk, I felt completely drained. Like an Austen heroine who knows her limits.
So I tried to go to sleep once I got home. First I baked some banana muffins, knowing I needed to test them for today. Then I watched a bit more of Howl's Moving Castle. I couldn't fall asleep. I tried brushing my teeth and changing into my pyjamas. Still nothing.
I eventually fell into this kind of relaxed non-sleep, where I didn't feel stressed about not falling asleep but still was a bit curious about being up, despite feeling so tired. The hours passed quickly. I picked up the book someone at work had given me - in college, opening a textbook was really the "stupidproof" way to knock me out. Still nothing.
I finally woke up this morning at 10:30 or so, feeling just a bit better than I had the night before.
Today, I felt a bit better about things. I'm pretty confident about my 'diet' plans, because eating carbs makes me feel completely ill and weak. I walked across Central Park, trying to get to the west side, only to find myself 15 blocks north of where I had started. I felt discreet. And I met the person that told me earlier this year that I was like a 'fifty foot wave'. Maybe this means the curse is lifted.
All I want is to feel committed and sure-footed. I don't understand why making reckless decisions doesn't help.