too many posts with "dreams" in the title!
getting kind of depressed and deflated. umm...and all my dream posts are funnily notable because i'll only write about a dream or even remember a dream if it involves a BOY! so now you know that all those posts came after hot and sultry sex dreams. great.
the reason for the depression, i guess, is because i feel pretty pointless at home. so few people are here and i'm too shy to even hang out with them. i "talk and don't talk" for hours at a time. and like i said, the only things that seem to really make me happy involve spending money! that in itself is kind of sad. my faithful red book of lists consist now of more "to buy" than "to do". yet they are depressing future porchases.
anhedonia? i'm so glad i learned that term from the corrections. now i can be vigilantly self-helpish about it! anyone else notice that recently i seem to be in a losing battle against myself? most notably on the physical front. at certain times i am just so disgusted with my body ... that feeling seems largely to dissipate as i'm on the treadmill or elliptical or whatever. and be replaced by a feeling of "oh my god...i am so bored and now i will slow to a walk." i should bring magazines, maybe? or my mp3 player.
but yes. tonight i'll spend some more money tonight at the wilco show. maybe a cute t-shirt if they can be had! or a poster for my future room in korea.
the reason for the depression, i guess, is because i feel pretty pointless at home. so few people are here and i'm too shy to even hang out with them. i "talk and don't talk" for hours at a time. and like i said, the only things that seem to really make me happy involve spending money! that in itself is kind of sad. my faithful red book of lists consist now of more "to buy" than "to do". yet they are depressing future porchases.
anhedonia? i'm so glad i learned that term from the corrections. now i can be vigilantly self-helpish about it! anyone else notice that recently i seem to be in a losing battle against myself? most notably on the physical front. at certain times i am just so disgusted with my body ... that feeling seems largely to dissipate as i'm on the treadmill or elliptical or whatever. and be replaced by a feeling of "oh my god...i am so bored and now i will slow to a walk." i should bring magazines, maybe? or my mp3 player.
but yes. tonight i'll spend some more money tonight at the wilco show. maybe a cute t-shirt if they can be had! or a poster for my future room in korea.