i want to make the effort and succeed just for once. went gymbiking today and now my knees are cold insistent stones of pain. the ones you see in gardens. one of the streamers above my desk has a kink in it. two of them. makes them look very 80s. it's hot outside and everyone metamorphoses. i just feel this incredible sense [right now] of startledness. fight or flight but actually, i'm just looking around. trying to see what might actually be happening.

wonder why or how people pretend to misunderstand. maybe what distracts and disgusts me most is this human tendance against instinct...reason.

just so i don't lose it again...this is for late nights.